Purple People Eater
by alb33
Summary: Fred and Crookshanks don't get along, but when the twins pull a prank on the cat, Hermione finds out and decides to help Crookshanks learn to trust Fred while trying to get Fred to confess his feelings at the same time. Entry for the Twin Exchange September 2012 Challenge.


**A/N: This is my entry for the Twin Exchange September 2012 entry. The pairing is Hermione/Fred, the prompts are Crookshanks and purple, and the quotes I used were "The mere thought of it has my fingers tingling" and "You know I'm not a fan of Wizard's Chess." The theme was Hermione's birthday.**

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There weren't many things in life that Fred Weasley truly hated. Of course, he hated the Death Eaters and, naturally, he hated Voldemort, the head Death Eater himself. Those were givens. He also strongly disliked a fair number of other things, but the one person, no, _animal_ that was slowly and steadily climbing the list of things he strongly disliked and about to move into the hate list was Crookshanks, Hermione's annoying cat.

Fred's sixth year of Hogwarts had just started a little over two weeks ago and he was already feeling slightly irritated. Firstly, he and George couldn't enter the Triwizard Tournament after falling short of the age limit by a few stinking months. Secondly, they had bet all their savings on the outcome of the Quidditch World Cup. They had won the bet, so this shouldn't have been a problem, but Ludo Bagman had paid them in leprechaun gold so it had disappeared within a few hours, leaving Fred and George broke. Thirdly, every time Fred had tried to sit on the common room couch since school had started, Crookshanks had been curled up on the cushion next to Hermione, leaving one spot open for Fred. Whenever Fred tried to sit there, the stupid cat would hiss furiously. He had even tried taking a few swipes at Fred.

"I hate that cat," Fred muttered as he marched up to his dorm after the latest attack. Crookshanks had actually pounced on Fred this time, leaving a fairly good amount of scratches on his hands and even one on his cheek. Hermione had then pulled Crookshanks off of him proceeded to get angry atFred for antagonizing her cat. Wonderful.

"Why don't you go back down and ask Hermione to keep Crookshanks on her lap or up in her dorm while you're down there from now on?" George suggested, coming into the room. "I mean, you should be able to use that couch just as much as anyone else and you can't with that cat around. He completely hates you."

"She'd get angry and argue with me about how she and Crookshanks have a right to use the couch as well and they were there first," Fred said, rolling his eyes.

"Ah, yes, and we can't have her arguing with you," George grinned.

"Shut it," Fred sighed.

"You've liked Hermione for the past three months," George said. "How are you going to do anything about it with that cat around?"

"Exactly," Fred cried, frustrated. "I have no idea why that bloody animal hates me so much! He has no problem with you, or Harry, or even Ron and he absolutely adores Hermione."

"I think this is going to call for a prank," George smirked.

"A prank?" Fred asked, looking thoughtful.

"Yeah," George answered slowly. "We prank Crookshanks."

"He's a cat, though."

"So? We've pulled pranks on Mrs. Norris before."

"True," Fred answered slowly. He broke into a grin and flopped onto his bed. "What do you suggest, Georgie?"

"What about if we turned him purple? Using Ton-Tongue Toffees might be just a bit too mean. Hermione would really murder you for that."

Fred groaned. "She'll murder me even if we turn her precious cat purple."

"Freddie, Freddie, Freddie," George said, "you aren't going to pass up on a prank for a _girl_, are you?"

Fred sat up again. "It's tricky, George," he said quietly. "Hermione loves that cat and all I want to do is give it a good kick."

"If we stick to just turning the little beast purple, then it's easily fixable and doesn't affect Crookshanks' health at all. Hermione will be mad at first, but she'll get over it. It's not like we're aiming to kill the thing."

"Unfortunately," Fred said, gazing at the newly scratched skin on his arms.

George wrinkled his nose. "Let's get those cured before we plan anything." He waved his wand and the scratches disappeared.

"Thanks," Fred muttered.

George smiled. "So, what do you say?"

Fred sighed. "I have to admit, the idea of turning Crookshanks purple is tempting."

George twirled his wand. "Come on," he taunted, "you know you want to."

Fred actually broke into a grin this time and grabbed his wand. "Oh, all right, you win. Let's do it."

"And if we don't get caught, Hermione won't know it was us and she won't be angry at you," George reasoned. "You'll still have your shot with Granger."

"Shut it, George," Fred muttered. He could feel his ears turning red. They reached the bottom of the dormitory stairs and stood there, staring over the back of the couch. "You know, we could always strangle the little devil," Fred suggested, glaring evilly at the cat.

"While the mere thought of it has my fingers tingling, I don't think that's the best idea," George answered.

"Why?" Fred asked, still glaring at Crookshanks. He could almost still feel the sting from the animal's claws even though his scratches were healed.

"That's why," George replied calmly, pointing to Hermione, curled up with a book, as usual.

"Right," Fred answered, inhaling through his nose.

"So, we're sticking to turning him purple?" George asked with a grin.

Fred nodded. "Who should do it? You or me?"

"What if we both do it? The more powerful the spell, the better the color will be."

Fred tilted his head in thought before nodding. "Yeah, sounds good. Let's go for a more neon purple. Dark purple won't be as…."

"Obnoxious?"

"Yeah, that's the word I was looking for."

"Okay, on the count of three," George whispered. "One, two, three."

The two of them aimed their wands at an unaware Crookshanks and within the next few seconds, the cat was a neon purple. He even had neon green spots.

"Did you do that?" Fred asked George, referencing the spots.

"Yeah," George said proudly through his laughter.

"Nice touch," Fred replied.

They continued to laugh uncontrollably and didn't stop until Fred noticed an angry Hermione standing in front of them holding an angry and hissing Crookshanks.

"H-Hermione," Fred stuttered, his laughter coming to a halt.

"Going to bed?" George asked casually, gesturing to the stairs.

"No," Hermione snapped. "Not until you apologize and put him right." She held Crookshanks out in front of her. Fred stepped back as the cat hissed violently.

"Erm, no thanks," he said quickly, stepping back again.

"What's wrong with him?" George asked innocently.

"You _know_ what's wrong with him, George Weasley!" Hermione cried, now brandishing Crookshanks in front of George. Crookshanks yowled, clearly not liking being swung about like that.

"He looks marvelous, I think," Fred added, "but keep him away from me." He took another few steps back as Hermione turned towards him again.

"Why? Are you _afraid_?" she taunted, narrowing her eyes and stepping closer, her outstretched arms holding her now purple cat.

"Have you noticed how he acts around me?" Fred asked. "He doesn't act like that around anyone else. Just me. It's a bit unnerving."

"Hmm," Hermione said, "yes, I suppose he has been acting strangely, but if you put him right, I can help the two of you get used to each other."

"It'll never happen," Fred insisted.

"It already has happened," Hermione argued. "When did you first notice Crookshanks' strange behavior?"

Fred thought about it. "About three months ago, to be honest."

"And before that, he acted perfectly normal towards you, did he not?"

"He did," Fred said in astonishment.

"So, what do you think happened three months ago to make him not like you?"

"I, er," Fred thought for a moment and then it clicked. He had started liking Hermione three months ago. But that couldn't be it. "I don't know," he finished quickly.

"George," Hermione sighed, "hold Crookshanks." She thrust the cat into George's arms. The cat sat there contentedly. He didn't hiss or yowl or move a muscle. George grinned proudly. "He loves _me_, Fred. There must be something about you he really hates."

Fred scowled as Hermione nodded in satisfaction and took Crookshanks back.

"Thank you, George," she said. "You're free to go. I'm going to force my cat and your brother to get along before this night is over. To be honest, I'm sick of all the noise that comes with having the two of them constantly at war with each other."

"You can't tell me where to-," George began, but stopped abruptly when Hermione gave him that look—a glare that was strikingly similar to Mrs. Weasley's.

"Sit," Hermione ordered Fred, walking back around the couch and pointing to it.

Fred saluted her and sat down on the end furthest from where Hermione had been sitting previously. She placed Crookshanks on the other end before sitting in the middle. Crookshanks hissed. Hermione got up, grabbed Crookshanks, and thrust him at Fred. Fred recoiled and Crookshanks hissed yet again.

"Hmm," Hermione said, bringing Crookshanks close to her chest and petting him. It looked strange seeing as Crookshanks was still purple with green spots.

"Hmm, what?" Fred asked.

"You said this started three months ago?" Hermione asked. "And you said you don't know what you did to initiate this change in my cat's behavior?"

Fred nodded. "That's right," he lied. He definitely had a strong inkling, but he wasn't going to say it out loud. Hermione would laugh in his face. She'd probably think it was the best joke he'd ever told. The only problem was that it was no joke. It was serious. Fred had never felt more serious about anything in his life. Except maybe pulling pranks. Fred frowned in thought. He was serious about pulling pranks. Wasn't that an oxymoron? Wait, he knew what an oxymoron was? How had he learned that. Probably from Hermione. Fred fought the urge to sigh in frustration. Just perfect, his thoughts were babbling. Next he was going to be babbling out loud.

Hermione sat down next to Fred and kept Crookshanks on her lap. She inched closer and closer until Crookshanks finally hissed again. Fred pressed himself into the arm of the couch.

"You know," Hermione said, still sitting relatively close to Fred. Crookshanks wasn't hissing anymore, but his fur was standing on end and his eyes were boring into Fred's.

"What?" Fred prompted, still staring at the demon cat.

"Crookshanks is a _very_ overprotective cat. He's been overprotective of me since I bought him. He doesn't like for me to get hurt or in trouble and he doesn't like being threatened or feeling like another person's getting _too_ close to me—both physically and emotionally, I suppose—and especially when that person is a boy."

"Uh-huh," Fred nodded, not quite following.

"He's very overprotective," Hermione repeated.

"Yeah, I got that," Fred said, glancing up at her. She was looking at him calmly and it was almost unnerving.

Hermione sighed and slid closer to Fred until their legs were touching. Crookshanks let out the loudest hiss yet, but Hermione held him so he wouldn't attack Fred again. "Be nice," she ordered. Then, she turned to Fred. "Put your arm around me."

"What? Why?" he spluttered.

"If Crookshanks sees us sitting close to each other and that you're not hurting me, he'll trust you again."

"Fine." Fred nervously cleared his throat before putting his arm around Hermione's shoulders. The cat hissed and watched Fred's every movement, but didn't do anything. Hermione snuggled closer to Fred. Fred's heart was racing, but he could hardly enjoy what was happening because Crookshanks was still watching him intently. He also didn't know if Hermione's actions were purely in order to help him gain Crookshanks' trust, or if they were actually real.

"Anything else you think would help?" Hermione asked with a smirk.

"Erm-," Fred began. He actually could think of something, but before he could work up the courage to do it, Hermione spoke again.

"And you're sure you don't know why Crookshanks started to hate you?" She raised an eyebrow.

Suddenly, something clicked in Fred's mind. She knew. She had known all along why Crookshanks had started hating Fred three months ago. She knew that Fred knew why as well and why he wasn't confessing the truth. She knew everything from the very beginning. He blinked and looked down at her, opening and closing his mouth.

"You seem to be at a loss for words," Hermione said. "That's a first."

"You know?" he asked.

She smiled softly and nodded. "Of course. I was curious as well as to why Crookshanks suddenly hated you so I figured it out on my own."

"How?"

"I started paying more attention to you to figure out what had changed."

"Oh, you did, huh?" Fred teased. "I guess I'm just that irresistible."

"Don't go and get bigheaded just yet," she said. "I haven't told you if I like you back yet."

The way she had just come right out with it shocked Fred a little. Even though they had just been discussing Fred's feelings, they hadn't been direct until now. He quickly regained his composure and grinned. "Isn't this your way of telling me?" He gestured with his free hand to the way they were sitting.

"How do you know for sure? Maybe I'm just doing this for Crookshanks."

"I thought of that," Fred said honestly. "I thought of the possibility of you messing with me, but you're Hermione Granger. You don't mess with people."

"I can mess with people," she replied, her tone slightly insulted.

Fred chuckled. "Maybe so, but I'm confident that you aren't."

"You are?"

Fred nodded. "You asked me if I had any other ideas that would help Crookshanks learn that I'm not hurting you."

"I did," Hermione said, looking at her cat. "He seems to have calmed down some, though." The cat had been quiet, but his fur was still standing on end and he was still watching the couple intently.

"Well, I do have an idea," Fred said, grinning cheekily.

"Yeah? And what would that be?"

Fred didn't hesitate as he leaned down and gently kissed her. Crookshanks made a tiny hiss, but only a small one and, surprisingly, he kept still. No pouncing and no scratching. Victory. And in addition to that, Hermione was kissing Fred back. Double victory.

"It worked," Hermione giggled when they pulled apart. Crookshanks was still staring unblinkingly at Fred, but he hadn't attacked him at least.

"I think we should continue this little activity to gain Crookshanks' trust," Fred smirked.

"What do you suggest?" Hermione asked.

"Well, your birthday is this weekend, is it not?"

"You remembered?"

"I've liked you for three months and known you for three years. It'd be sad if I forgot," Fred laughed.

Hermione giggled. "Okay, so continue with what you were saying."

"Spend the day with me?" Fred asked.

"Well, I already promised Harry and Ron that we could spend the afternoon together," Hermione said shyly. She looked up at Fred and grinned. "But from dinner onwards, I'm yours."

"That's what I like to hear," Fred said, smiling. "We can't really go anywhere, but we could play a game of Wizard's Chess by the fire. Romantic, right?"

"You know I'm not a fan of Wizard's Chess," Hermione told him. "It's totally-,"

"Barbaric, I know," Fred sighed. "Exploding Snap?"

"Too loud," Hermione grinned.

"Now you're just trying to annoy me," Fred muttered.

"I do like to play with Crookshanks," Hermione said sweetly. "I thought this was part of the experiment to get him to trust you, anyway."

"Yeah, but he can _watch_ us play Exploding Snap. It doesn't have to actually involve him. Does it?" Fred nervously sized the cat up. He still felt a little apprehensive towards the furry creature.

Hermione laughed. "No, I suppose not. I'll make you a deal. If you put him right, we can do whatever you want this weekend."

"Even if it involved sneaking out after hours?"

"Why do you want to sneak out?"

"There's not much to do in here unless we play Exploding Snap or chess, neither of which you like, or play with Crookshanks, which _I_ don't like."

"I'll consider it," Hermione answered. "Sneaking out, I mean."

Fred grinned. "You will?"

"I will, but please, just put Crookshanks back to normal. It's rather annoying having a bright purple cat. He looks like the Purple People Eater."

"The what?" Fred asked curiously.

"I suppose you haven't heard of it. It's a Muggle song."

"Seriously?" Fred asked.

Hermione nodded. "Yes. You should listen to it sometime. Knowing you and George, the two of you would love it."

Fred chuckled and waved his wand, returning Crookshanks' fur to normal. Hesitantly, he reached out a hand to pat the cat's head, but the cat swiped at him.

"I thought he was learning to trust me more," Fred pouted.

"I think that was his way of saying he still has his eye on you for now," Hermione giggled.

"Great," Fred muttered. "Does this mean I'm exempt from an overprotective speech when I meet your dad?"

"Doubt it," Hermione answered.

"Why does this have to happen to me?" Fred groaned.

"Are you up for it?"

"Is this a challenge?"

"Maybe."

"In that case, I am _definitely_ up for it."

"That's what I thought." Hermione leaned up and kissed Fred again. Crookshanks hissed quietly and Hermione gently shoved him off of her lap while Fred resisted the urge to break the kiss simply to stick out his tongue at the overprotective animal. Crookshanks slunk away moodily and Fred pulled Hermione closer. He didn't care that he was in a battle of possession with a feline. It didn't matter that many would think of it as silly. All that mattered was if he won or not and this was one battle that Fred definitely did not want to lose.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! Also don't forget to vote for your favorite entry on the Twin Exchange profile starting on September 20th!**


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